Category Archives: Comedy

Comedy shows, gigs, writing and performing.

On Tour – Colchester & Hexham

Croydon, Continued.
So I come stage, not a great one but still full of buzz, and walk upstairs backstage to the ‘artists bar’ because I deserve it, surely, and walk straight into Lloyd Langford and Rhod Gilbert. They were surprised and confused, I hadn’t put two and two together and came out with “Are you on tonight?” to break the silence. Blah, blah, blah. awkwardness. I walked back downstairs. Blah, blah, blah, anecdote, new act competition back in 2002 in York with me and Matt Reed where Rhod closed. Go and see Rhod, he’s on tour at the moment as too, and doing quite well.

Day 15 – Colchester
We were allowed to leave Croydon eventually and went to Colchester which is full of students. The Mercury Theatre venue was octagonally nice, and in lue of the whole town being over occupied for accomodation we  holed up in it for the better part of the day taking advantage of free tea, coffee and wifi. The wifi was free but controlled by a networking jedi master called Colin. If you are a child of the laptop generation, know that Colin does not just give out the WEP key, Colin has memorised it, and also requires you to configure your browser to access the local network using a password, so that any internet signal you access is regulated by the jedi master to block out all questionable content. Some may balk at Colin and his overly secure old school ways, but I know my data-pipe onions enough to know that Colin is hardcore, and to be  respected, standing like a bronze collosus over the mouth of the web-harbour preventing the fragile and  innocent minds of the surfers at the Mercury Theatre from seeing adverts for naughty casinos and f***book.
Good gig, not my best though.
With no accom left in Colchester, we made our way via Peterborough to…

Day 15 & 16 – Hexham
We had time to take in some history and did hadrians wall, which was visally gorgeous if you’re into that kind of thing, which I am. Big vistas, rolling hills and ancient countryside – full of old people, stones and sheep. Steffan Peddie runs a gig at the Queens Hall Arts centre, as did Warren Speed and Neil Magee before him, dating back to the middle ages. I’ve played the venue loads of time but not the main theatre until tonight. It was bloody great too, and I got to sign some autographs with the pen I bought back in newport. Nice.

On Tour. Loughborough and Swansea (via Cardiff)

Day 6 – Loughborough.
We arrived at the guesthouse early again, thanks the already muddy BMW. The lady owner of the guesthouse is not fully dressed and about to go to a funeral. Apparently the poor deceased had to have his legs and arms broken to fit him in the coffin.
Market street in Loughborough has a Bakers Oven. I passed the greggs specifically to go there, only upon being server to recieve my treats in Greggs bags. Brazen pasty mis-representation if you ask me. “Are you a Greggs or a Bakers Oven?” I asked. “Yes” said the woman behind the counter. Good show in the town hall, though I’m writing this from day 8, so it’s already becoming a bit of a blur.

Day 7 – Cardiff.
No show today so we 3 happy troopers, Charlie, Kristina and me, all rocked up in Cardiff where parking was none existant and chilled out. Charlie had a TV spot, Kristina talked to herself in her room all afternoon (disguising it with a bluetooth headset, but fooling no-one), while I had laptop keyboard bother. Went to see The Expendables, which was loads of fun. Sylvester Stallone has finally found a way to sound like a profound thespian, by having a converstion with Dolph Lundgren. Dolph Lundgren is the best thing in the film.

Day 8 – Swansea
Swansea! It’s easy to see a lot of Swansea due to the incomprehensible one ways system that feels like it was invented by a lopsided town planner who got a pen and paper and ‘took a line for a walk’ . That said, the Swansea Grand Theatre is an awesome old venue, and was awesome to play too. There was a reviewer in, as well as Charlie’s tour producer, a very rock and roll chap from the London who also produces shows for Billy Ocean and Micheal Bubble. We all got very drunk and went back to the hotel. I forgot where I was and did a really loud fart in the night, and I think my arse was poking out the bed too. Charlie, if you are reading this, I profoundly apologise.